| Everything on this page is copyright © 1999 by Faruk
Ates. All rights reserved. That means: please don't take my work without asking! Revised: 07 mei 1999. |
 |
[This one follows up on "FF7 Meets Unreal" but you knew
that! Right?]
******* Vincent's Revenge!!! *******
[Note from a very unknown person: This Fic is NOT written by Faruk Ates, because he
wouldn't write his own misery story (I think), but it is written by an unknown power, with
an unknown name, without a body or a soul...so BEWARE!!!! MWHAHAHAAA!!!!]
The void stops, and our gang finds themselves on a pretty cool planet, but yet again
unknown.
Vincent: This place, it seems....weird...
Cid: Everything looks weird to you Vampires!
Vincent: Shut up, i sense that we have come to this planet with a reason...
Cloud: Yeah, the reason was to escape those Skaarj monsters from that other planet!
Vincent: True, but there is also a reason why we have come to THIS exact planet!
Tifa: Which is???
Vincent: I think the author made us go here...
Red: That's pretty likely, considering the author makes us do everything we are doing!
Cid: Ok, but what should we do on this planet?
Cloud: Wait, i'll ask the author!
Tifa: No wait, he'll just terrify us again!
Yuffie: Yeah, just like that omnipotent being!
Vincent: Relax girls, he promised us that he wouldn't do that anymore!
Tifa: Oh, then you can call him, Cloud...
Cloud: Okido, (shouts to the sky) HEY YOU UP THERE! COME DOWN HERE WILLYA?!
Me: (which is NOT Faruk remember!) WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Cloud: YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT YOU STUP...ERR...GUY! WE WANNA ASK YOU WHY WE ARE HERE!!!
Tifa: YEAH, YOU WRITE ALL THE STUFF WE ARE SAYING, SO YOU MUST KNOW WHY WE ARE CALLING
YOU!!
Me: (coming down) Ok here i am... (everyone looks but fails to see anything)
Cloud: So where are you?
Cid: We can't see you!
Me: Oh yeah, right, i'm an unknown power without a body and all, um, sorry!
Yuffie: Waitwaitwait! You are NOT the same author like always?????
Me: Uhh, yes!?
Everyone: AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!
Me: Hold on, don't worry, i won't do scary stuff with you all, i'm just replacing the
author, ONLY for this fic, cos he's
getting his @$$ kicked by you all, so you should thank me!
Vincent: Are we gonna kick his @$$ ????? YES!!!!
Me: Ok, so you know why you are here, but you must find him yourself ok? Laters!
[Note from KuraFire: That's MY line! (Me: HEY! HOW THE HELL DID HE GET IN
HERE?!?!?!?!?!)]
The semi-author flies back up again (or at least he says he's flying up, cos nobody can
see him) and the gang starts searhing for the REAL author...
Cloud: Hey, i see a little village over there!
Tifa: Where?
Cloud: There, straight south!
Vincent: I bet we will find him there!
Cid: Ok guys, CHARGE!
They run towards the village, but as they have no idea which house is Faruk's, they search
for a phonecell first.
Vincent: I'll look up his street in the phonebook ok?
Cid: Hurry up. (Vincent starts to leaf through the phonebook)
Vincent: Got it! Let's go!
They arrive at (since Faruk probably likes his privacy, i won't tell his address!) Faruk's
street.
Cloud: So which number was it again??
Vincent: 12. There it is!
Tifa: Hey, this is actually quite a nice neighbourhood!
Yuffie: (sees a playrack for little kids) COOL! (runs towards it and starts hanging on it)
Cid: Jeez, that brat is really stupid!
Cloud: Very immature...
Red: ..Childish...
Tifa: Hey you all, she's still young ok?
Cloud/Cid/Red: Sorry Tifa...
Vincent: Ok, what time is it?
Everyone: Uhh....(nobody has watches)
Vincent: Great, now i'll have to search my cape again!
Cloud: Sorry, we all left our watchs back home!
Vincent: Never mind. (starts grabbing stuff in his cape)
(out of the cape there come a bottle of milk, a calculator, a knife, some dirty magazines,
two pigeons and a rolex)
Everyone: WOW! Cloud: You got a Rolex???? Cool!
Vincent: Nah, it's not that valuable, it's all platinum.
Everyone: Oohh... (faints)
Vincent: Oops...
After about ten minutes everyone has regained consciousness and is ready to break in...
Tifa: Do you really think we should break in? I mean, that's illegal!
Vincent: Tifa, it is 2 AM! We can't just ring the doorbell!
Tifa: Oh well...(Cloud forces the door open with a convenient crowbar from Vincent's cape)
Cid: You really have a lot of stuff in there Vampy!
Vincent: Grr. Because it's dark, i won't chase you!
Cid: What a stupid reason!
Vincent: Shut up or i'll chase you anyway...(eyes begin to glow) (which is a magnificent
view in this darkness by the way!)
Cloud: Ok i got it. (they silently enter the house)
*creek*
Vincent: (whispering) Who was that?
Yuffie: Me, sorry.
Vincent: Stay quiet!
Cid: I smell something burning...
Red: Oops...
Vincent: Whad do you mean, "oops" ???
Red: My tail accidentally set the curtains on fire...
Everyone: WHAT!? AAAH!!!!
Vincent: SST!! BE QUIET!!! (smart move to shout be quiet!)
Cloud: Here throw this water over it!
Cid: (throws a glass of water on the fire) Didn't work!
Vincent: Oh jeez, why do i always have to fix your problems! (takes a firehose out of his
cape and extinguishes the fire.)
Everyone: ????
Vincent: Cid's right, there IS a lot of stuff in my cape! So what?
Cloud: Well, the hose ok, but where does all that water come from???
Vincent: My cape...
Everyone: (faints again)
Vincent: Um, oops again?
Anyway, after Vincent put out the fire and woke up everyone, they continue their search...
Vincent: This must be his bedroom, there are posters on the door!
Cloud: Ok take a look!
Vincent: Keep quiet! (opens the door softly) Yep, this must be him! Grab him!
(They grab poor Faruk and drag him in his shorts outside)
Faruk: What the F*(#* is this???
Vincent: It's my revenge for your last two fics (minus FF7 meets Unreal that is!)
Faruk: Uh, sorry?
Vincent: Apologising won't save you, cos you are gonna DIE!!!
Faruk: Hey, who's writing all this stuff anyway!?!?
Me: Me!
Faruk: And who are you?
Me: I'm just someone who has been imaginated by someone else...
Faruk: Which makes you...?
Me: ...An imagination! D'oh!
Faruk: Aha, ok, so now what?
Vincent: As i was saying, you are gonna die!! (tries to kill Faruk but Faruk evades his
blow)
Me: Now where's the popcorn?
Vincent: I'll get you! (starts chasing Faruk)
Faruk: WHAA! (runs around the street in his shorts)
Cid: Shall we help Vincent?
Everyone: Nah! Let's just watch!
Cloud: Hey you upthere, toss us some popcorn!
Me: Ok, watch out, here it comes! (drops a tonload of popcorn on their heads) Is this
enough?
Tifa: Yikes, this is TOO MUCH!
Me: Oh, well, let the surplus popcorn just lie there.
Red: Ok! (they all start eating popcorn while watching Vincent chase Faruk)
Faruk: Can't we make a deal?
Vincent: You made me fall from a tree! You made me get petrified by Cid! You made me get
dressed up as a girl! NO DEALS!!!!
Faruk: Ok, so no deals, but what can i do to stop you from killing me?
Vincent: You can't do anything about it! You can't bribe me, neither can you talk me out
of it!
Faruk: And what if you'd allow me a fair fight?
Vincent: (stops runnig) Hmm, maybe that's not even such a bad idea at all!
Faruk: (thinks) PHEW! (out loud) What about a fist fight?
Vincent: Oh i'd love to, but i don't think that's a fair fight!
Faruk: Why not?
Vincent: Well, either I use only ONE fist, or i use them both, but one is fake and has a
claw on it!
Faruk: I see your point! And a gunfight is also unfair cos' i don't know how to use guns!
Vincent: And I am a master in guns, so that option goes down the tube too!
Faruk: Hey, you don't know how to use a sword right?
Vincent: Well, i had some lessons from Cloud in Teka Valentine's "Macho, macho
man" FanFic, but that was a failure...
Faruk: Well, i've never used a sword before, so why don't we fight it over in a sword
battle?
Vincent: Ok i guess!
Faruk: Um, could you like, let me get some clothes first? It's kinda cold out here!
Vincent: Uh, sure, but i'll be watching you making sure you don't run off!
Faruk: Ok. (they go inside and Faruk puts on some clothes)
Faruk: Ok, i'm ready!
Vincent: Me too. HEY CLOUD!
Cloud: What?
Vincent: Give us two swords!
Cloud: What for?
Faruk: We're going to duel with swords!
Tifa: Cool! Cloud, give them two swords!
Cloud: Whic one's you want?
Vincent: I'll take your Ultima!
Faruk: (thinks) Damn, i wanted the Ultima!
Cloud: No! Anyone but my Ultima!
Faruk: (thinks) Phew, at least he can't have the Ultima)
Vincent: Oh, um, gimme your Ragnarok!
Cloud: Ok! (tosses Vincent his Ragnarok)
Vincent: (catches the sword by the balde (again!)) OUCH!
Cloud: Oh, you just can't learn huh?! Faruk, which one do you want?
Faruk: Hey, gimme the Enhance Sword! (thinks) Hehe, eight slots!
Cloud: Ok here it is! (throws Faruk his Enhance sword)
Vincent: Now, let's begin!
Faruk: (evil grin) Ok!
They start battling, but even as Vincent hits Faruk a lotta times, Faruk keeps going
strong...
Faruk: (gets hit again) Ouch! Take this! (successfully hits Vincent in his right arm)
Vincent: HEY! Now i can't use my sword anymore!
Faruk: Then, do you yield??
Vincent: Uh...
Faruk: (holding his Enhance sword up Vincent's throat) Do you yield???
Vincent: Oh allright, you win! Darn!
Faruk: HAHA!!! I WIN I WIN I WIN I WIN!!!
Vincent: (thinks) How the hell didn't he get wounded!?
Faruk: Cloud, thanx, here's your sword back!
Cloud: That was some show! Bravo!
Faruk: Thanks! (throws his sword towards Cloud, but it was a bad throw and Cloud couldn't
catch it)
(the sword falls on the ground and eight pink HP-plus materia's fall ot of it!)
Cloud: Hey, whose are these?
Faruk: Oops!
Vincent: What? You used HP-Plusses?!?!?! I'll kill you!! (starts chasing Faruk)
Faruk: They aren't mine!
Vincent: Nevertheless, you DID use them!!
Faruk: Whaa! (runs like hell)
Cloud: Then, if these aren't HIS materia's, whose are they?
(Everyone checks their materia's)
Yuffie: HEY! HE STOLE MY MATERIA!!!
Everyone:" YOURS?! HE STOLE YOURS?!? WAY TO GO FARUK!!!! (they cheer to Faruk, who is
still running away from Vincent)
Faruk: Vincent, sorry, it won't happen again, and i promise that in the next five fanfics
you won't get hurt anymore ok?
Vincent: TEN! THE NEXT TEN!
Faruk: (thinks) Jeez, not the next ten! That's WAY too much!
Vincent: Well??
Faruk: (thinks) Hey, what can he do to me anyway, or at least, what can he do to me
later!?
Vincent: WELL!?!?
Faruk: Ok i accept! For the next ten chapters you won't get hurt!
Vincent: Good! (stops chasing him) Now let's get back home...
Faruk: *pant* Good idea!
When they reach the others again, Red is already standing by with teh Space-Time
traveller.
Red: Ok everyone, stand close!
Vincent: Maybe i'll see you again some time!
Faruk: Yeah, maybe. But maybe NOT!
Vincent: Better keep your promise, or i'll come after you again!
Faruk: I WILL... (void starts and the FF7 crew disappears agin) ...maybe, and then again,
maybe not...
After their departure Faruk walks back to his house. BUT, first he picks up the
"Destroy everything and everyone,"
MegaBlaster X-RAY 10000 Superwatt Ultrablast Machine (!) which was suddenly in front of
his feet, and uses it to shoot
that irritating author (me) out of the sky so he wouldn't be able te write such a fic
anymore. After that, he went back to bed.
Ok, so you think that Faruk DID write this fic, just under another name right? Right?
Well, you're right!
Written by Faruk KuraFire Ates!