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Ates. All rights reserved. That means: please don't take my work without asking! Revised: 03 apr 1999. |
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FF7 Goes To Hawaii!
Cloud: Hey Aeris! Do you know a six letter word for annoying that begins with a T?
Aeris: Ticked! That's what I'm gonna be if you don't stop asking stupid questions!
Cloud: Take it easy! Do you know a seven letter word for a not nice person?
Aeris: Asshole...
Cloud: Hey, thanks!
*** Two weeks later ***
Cloud: The mail! Bill... Taxes... Porn mag... Hey???
Cid: What's wrong?v
Cloud: I won that puzzle! I''ve won a trip to Hawai for ten persons!
Yuffie/Sephy: Cool!
Cait: So who you're going with?
Cloud: Well, I guess I've gotta choose you guys...
*** Another week later ***
Cloud: Hurry up!
Yuffie: I'm trying!
Cid: We're gonna miss the f$#@&^% plane, ya b$@^#!!!
Yuffie: You're not gonna leave without me! Right guys? Guys? Hello?
*** At the airport ***
Cid: Cloud, have you got the tickets?
Cloud: Yep. Right here!
Tifa: I forgot one of my bags!
Cloud: I know. I took it with me.
Tifa: Thanks Cloud. (hugs him)
Aeris: Grrr...
Tifa: Don't be angry. You never had a chance anyway.
Aeris: WHAT! You slut!
Cloud: Do you mind?!
Tifa/Aeris: Sorry Cloud...v
Vincent: What terminal do we need to go?
Cloud: Lemme see... Terminal 5, flight 234
Announcer: Flight 234 has just left.
All: WHAT!?!?!?
Announcer: I'm joking...
All: F^@% YOU!
Aeris: Come on, let's go! (they all board their plane)
*** Inside the plane ***
Cloud (sitting between Aeris and Tifa): Everybody got all their stuff?
Tifa: Yep. I'm gonna sleep. (tries to take a pillow out of the overhead compartment)
Sephy: Ehhh...
Tifa: Hmmm? (opens compartment and 24 Masamune's fall out) Eeeks!
Sephy: I warned ya!
Tifa: What the hell are these doing here?
Sephy: Does it matter?
Tifa: Yes, it does!
Sephy: B^@$%...
Tifa: WHAT!? (grabs one of the Masamune's and starts to chase Sephy)
Cloud: Hey! (Tifa ignores Cloud) Nuts!
Aeris: Let her be childish... We have more serious things to do, right Cloud?
Cloud: Wow!
Tifa: (slashes Aeris) B&#^#!!!
Aeris: Ack! (grabs another Masamune and tries to slash Tifa) @^#%@^#%@&^#%!!!
Cloud (to Sephy): Just leave them alone...
*** Sometime later ***
Cid (to stewardess): Gimme some tea!
Stewardess: I'm sorry. We don't serve tea.
Cid: I don't care! I just want tea!
Stewardess: Like I said, we don't have any tea.
Cid: G#$%@&$it! I just want my f#%$*%# tea! You b%#$&@!!!
Stewardess: @$$hole! (pushes Cid out of the airplane)
Cid: Geronimo! (falls face flat on the ground, because they already landed)
Cloud: We're here!
Sephy: I'm gonna surf!
Vincent: I'm going to the cemetary!
Tifa: I'm going with Cloud!
Aeris: Me too!
Cloud: Okay. (walks out and steps on Cid) Let's mosey!
Cid: Wimp!
*** At the hotel ***v
Cloud: Okay, everyone got their rooms?
Cid: Yeah, well... I'm afraid some has already taken your room...
Cloud: Ah man! Now where do I sleep?
Barret: In da basement, ofcourse, foo'! (everyone leaves except Cloud, Aeris, Tifa and Cid)
Cloud: I don't wanna sleep in the basement!
Aeris: Poor Cloud. You can sleep with me if you want.
Tifa: Who would like to sleep in the same room with a b$#%& like you?
Aeris: Cloud would. Besides, I'm not a b%#$@! You silicon queen!
Tifa: You're just jealous at me!
Cloud: Cut it out!
Cid: Yeah. Why do you two always keep fighting?
Aeris: Well...
Tifa: I don't really want to tell right now...
Cloud: Come on, tell us! We can hold a secret.
Tifa: .....
Aeris: .....
Cid: Cloud?
Cloud: Yeah?
Cid: Beat it!
Cloud: Jeez! (leaves)
Cid: Well?
Aeris: We both really like Cloud and...
Tifa ... we both really like to go on a date with him once.
Aeris: But only one of us can date Cloud, so...
Tifa: ...thats why we are always fighting.
Cid: Let me solve this! CLOUD! Get your @$$ over here!
Cloud: (walks in) Decide what you want! (silently) Jerk...
Cid: Aeris and Tifa are both madly in love with you. So, who do you want to date?
Aeris/Tifa: Very subtle...
Cloud: Ehhh... Well... I guess... Tifa.
Tifa: YES!
Cloud: Let's go to the beach tonight, okay?
Tifa (blushing): Sure...
*** That night ***
Tifa: Cloud?
Cloud: Hmmm?
Tifa: There is something I wanted to tell you, the day you left Nibelheim...
Cloud: What is it?
Tifa: I... I- (a huge tidal wave swoops over them)
Shark: *burp!*
Tifa: Cloud?
Shark: Help me!
Tifa: Nooo!!! Cloud's dead!
Shark: Over here!
Tifa: Huh?
Shark: In that shark!
Tifa: Cloud?
Shark: No, Santa! Ofcourse it's me!
Tifa: You mean you're...
Shark: YES! Now help me!!!
Tifa: (hugs shark) Oh Cloud! I'm so sorry!
Shark: ???
Aeris: (quickly hides Leviathan materia) What's wrong?
Tifa: Cloud's reincarnated in this shark!
Shark: F%#$ YOU! I'm swallowed by that shark! NOW HELP ME OUT!!!
Tifa: Oops. (picks up shark and slams him hard to the ground untill Cloud fall out)
Cloud: Geez! Sharks suck @$$!!!
Tifa: You alright?
Cloud: Yeah. Thanks.
Tifa: Don't mention it. But ehhh... (hold her nose) Take a shower...
Aeris: Phew! She's right!
Cloud: I'm outta here!
*** The next day ***
Cloud: Zzzz... Zzzz... Zzzz...
Sephy: Wake up!
Cloud: Ah, come on mom. I can't go to school today.
Sephy: A) You don't have to go to school and B) I'm not your mother.
Cloud: Huh? Oh hi Sephy!
Sephy: You awake now? Yeah? I've got good news, were going to the beach!
Cloud: Yeah? Cool! (pictures an image of Tifa in a bikini in his mind)v
Sephy: I'll wake up the others. See ya!
*** Upstairs ***
Sephy: (walks in Cid's room) Cid, wake up!
Cid: F%#$ you!
Sephy: (walks in Vincent's room) Vincent, wake up!
Vincent: Huh?
Sephy: (walks in Aeris' room) Aeris, wake- AHHHHHHH!!!!!
Aeris: EEEEEEKS! (slaps Sephy) Perverted Don Corneo wannabe!
Sephy: (runs around, histerical) I'M BLIND! I CAN'T SEE ANYMORE MORE! AAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Cid: Shut up! (cast Esuna on Sephy)
Sephy: I can see! Thank you! (kisses Cid's shoes)
Cid: Yuck! Now look what you've done!
Sephy: Never mind. Let's go to the beach!
*** At the beach ***
Cloud (wearing sunglasses, swimming trunks and holding a cocktail): This is life!
Tifa (Wearing her bikini and sunglasses): Yeah!
Cid (same as Cloud): Hell yeah!
Sephy (in a wetsuit with a surfboard): Yo! Surf's up dude!
Cloud: Huh?
Sephy: I'm gonna ride the waves!
Tifa: Wha?
Cid: He means he's gonna surf.
Cloud/Tifa: Oh!
Rude: You guys on vacation, too?
Cloud: Yup!
Reno: (drunken) *hic!*
Elena (wearing the same as Tifa): You drunken bastard!
Tseng: Cloud?
Cloud: Yeah?
Tseng: Where is Aeris?
Cloud: (points to a garden) Over there.
Rude: Hey Tifa, want a drink?
Tifa: No.
Rude: Maybe you want more?
Tifa: Cloud, he's scaring me...
Cloud: Beat it!
Rude: Look who says so! Your hair looks like a toilet brush!
Cloud: At least I have hair!
Rude: That's it! (they begin fighting)
Vincent: Hey Spikey! Leave Rude alone! (attacks Cloud)
Cid: You stupid vampire! (attacks Vincent)
Elena: Rude, Vincent! I'll help you two!
Tifa: No you won't! (slaps Elena and they begin fighting, too)
Reno: I''l get ya Cloud! (attacks Cloud and his friends, too)
Barret: Leave him alone! (attacks Rude and friends)
Tseng: Rude! I'll help you out! (attacks Cloud and friends)
Aeris: (trips Tseng) In your dreams, maybe!
Yuffie: No-one hurts Reno! I'll help you! (attacks Cloud, too)
Sephy: You Turks suck @$$! (attacks the Turks and allies)
Rufus: I'm gonna help you guys! (attacks Cloud)
Hojo: Me too! (attacks Cloud, too)
Red: Hojo! I'll kill you, you bastard! (attacks Hojo)
Cait: I don't wanna fight! But I've got nothing to do! Oh well... (fights against Rude)
Everyone: (trying to kill the others) (insert Battle-Theme here)
Cloud: You bald bastard! OMNISLASH!!!
Rude: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Elena: you cheap slut! Leave Rude alone!
Tseng: Yeah! Leave him alone!
Aeris/Tifa: DIE! (they go beserk on Tseng and Elena)
Cid: (knocks out Vincent with a mop) Ya disgusting vampire!
Red: (mauls Hojo)
Hojo: AAAHHHH!!! (dies)
Yuffie: (hits Cloud with Conformer)
Cloud: Ack! *gulp!* (X-Potion)
Sephy: Leave Cloud alone! (stabs Yuffie 'A là Aeris')
Yuffie: (coughs up blood and dies)
Elena: Stuck up, B%#$@!!! (hits Tifa)
Tifa: Ahhh! Help me!
Aeris: Die! (cast Shadowflare on Elena)
Elena: (dies)
Reno: So ya can use magic, eh? Bolt! (hits Barret)
Barret: Ack! (dies because he's such a wuss)
Darth Vader: I'm here to serve his majesty, Cloud!
Reno: Who the f$#% are you? (whacks Vader with his Elektro-Mag Rod)
Vader: Weakling! (grabs Reno and folds him into a matchbox)
Rufus: (calls for an airstrike)
Cait: Forget it! (grabs Rufus' feet and smashes him into the ground)
Cloud: (omnislashing Rude's dead body) Let's get the hell outta here!
Tifa: (sees alot of X-Wings, B2's, Starfury's and nukes) My idea!
Everyone, except Barret and Yuffie: (gets the hell outta there)
Vader: The Emperor needs me. Toodles! (disappears)
Cid: That was one hell of a fight!
Cloud: It sure was!
Cid: Look! (Hawaii get's bombed by torpedo's, a huge salvo from space, nukes, and normal bombs)
Cloud: I'd rather have Costa Del Sol.
Tifa: Yeah, me too!
Aeris: I wasn't so bad... I got a nice tan!
*** Back at Cloud's villa ***
Cloud: Everything is back to normal, I guess...
Tifa: I got us somehing to drink! Now we can watch Jerry!
Aeris: (trips Tifa)
Tifa: (spill her drinks over Red) B%#$@!!! (CATFIGHT!!!)
Cloud: Like I said. Everything is normal again...
THE END!