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Ates. All rights reserved. That means: please don't take my work without asking! Revised: 03 apr 1999. |
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*** February the 13th ***
Vincent: .....
Yuffie: What the hell you doing?
Vincent: I'm trying to be cool.
Yuffie: Geez, that's hot! Hehehe...
Vincent: Oh shut up...
Yuffie: Have you got a date already?
Vincent: No, not yet. Why?
Yuffie: I thought maybe you and I could go tommorow?
Vincent (thinks): This might be interesting... (out loud) Okay.
*** In the kitchen ***
Red (walking with plates in his mouth): .....
Tifa: I'll kill Aeris if she dares to invite Cloud.
Red (thinks): Oh god, here I go again...
Tifa: If she goes even near my Cloud, she's a goner!
Red (thinks): Should I kill her? Nah... Cloud's gonna be pissed off if I do...
Tifa: Why am I affraid that Aeris will date Cloud? He's not stupid, so he'll choose me!
Red (thinks): I hope Meteor crashes on me!
*** The living room ***
Cloud: Hey Vincent, what are you doing?
Vincent: I'm trying to be cool.
Yuffie: Yeah, me too!
Cloud (scratches his head): Sure... You two go right ahead...
Aeris: Cloud, wait!
Cloud: Hi Aeris!
Aeris: Would you like to...
Cloud: I'm sorry, but I gotta go. See ya! (leaves)
Aeris: Ah nuts!
Tifa: What were you trying to do with my Cloud!
Aeris: Go blow! (softly) whore...
Tifa: Get lost! (softly) ancient slumdrunk...
Red (thinks): Why us...
Aeris: At least I don't have problems with the others! (pats Red on the nose)
Red: (purs softly)
Tifa: I am nice to Red, too! (pats Red on his nose, too)
Red: (keeps purring)
Aeris: I'm way nicer than you! (pats Red harder)
Red: Hey!
Tifa: You're half as nice as me! (pats Red even harder)
Red: Ouch!
Aeris: You are! (patting turns into hitting!)
Red: Ack!
Tifa: I'm everything you ever hoped to be! (pummels Red to nothing)
Red (thinks): DAMN! This hurts!
Vincent: Hey Cloud!
Aeris + Tifa: Shit! (they shove the remains of Red under the carpet)
Cloud: (whistles FF7 Ending Theme) Hello girls!
Aeris + Tifa (dreamy voices): Hi Cloud...
Cloud (trips over bump in carpet): What's this?
Tifa: That's nothing...
Cloud: It's just a bump. (jumps on bump) Hmmm... (jumps on it again) Huh? (jumps ten times more)
Aeris: Cloud, leave it...
Cloud: Okay. (plops down in front of the TV)
Tifa: Cloud? You thirsty?
Cloud: Well...
Tifa: I'll get us something to drink. (smiles to Aeris)
Aeris (red from anger): Sure...
Tifa (comes back with 2 drinks): Here you go... (sits down next to him, REAL close)
Red: Arghhhh... Everything hurts...
Aeris: I'm pissed off! (concks Red with Princess Guard) It's your fault! (starts jumping on Red)
Red: Ouch! Not again!
Cloud (watching Jerry with Tifa, thinks): I wonder where Red is?
Tifa: Oh! that reminds me! I got to buy something! (runs out) Ciao!
Aeris: I'm going too!
Yuffie: Me too!
Red (barely able to speak): I'm going... out for a... breather
Outside, Tifa's Hummer pulls out of the parking spot. A thud is heard. Then they drive away.
Red (with cartracks on his back): Got... an aspirine...? (faints)
Vincent: Hey Cloud!
Cloud: Yeah?
Vincent: I got a date with Yuffie for tommorow!
Cloud: You have?
Vincent: Yep!
Cid: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You're gonna date that $%^*$%* materia witch?
Vincent: What! (starts chasing Cid)
Cid: Oh shit! (runs like hell)
Cloud: Hoo boy...
Sephy (teleportes himself in Cloud's Villa): Where's Aeris?
Cloud: She's buying something for tommorow.
Sephy: For me?
Cloud: Nope, for me!
Sephy: What!?
Cloud: Yeah, well. I like Tifa, but Aeris just likes me. I can't help it!
Sephy: DIE! (starts to attack Cloud with Masamune)
Cloud: %&^$ you! (parry's Sephy blow with Ultima Weapon and they begin to fight)
Cait: 50 gil on Cloud and 75 gil on Vincent!
Barret: You're gonna loose! (steps on Red)
Cait: No way! (begin fighting, too)
Red: I'm... outta... here! (walks out and a car skids. A thud can be heard again...)
Tifa: Damn. I drove over Red twice!
Aeris: Uhhh... (sees Vincent chasing Cid, Sephy and Cloud fighting as are Cait and Barret)
Yuffie (shouts): STOP IT! (everyone stops fighting)
Vincent: Hi Yuffie...
Aeris: You are behaving like children!
Sephy: .....
[Note from KuraFire: Hey, how come Vincent's not saying "Hey, thats MY line" ????]
Tifa: And look at this mess you made!
Cloud: I'm sorry...
Everybody cleans their mess up and goes to bed early.
*** Next morning ***
Cloud: I'm gonna make something sweet for Tifa. (walks to kitchen and sees Vincent)
Vincent: Hi Cloud.
Cloud: Goodmorning Vincent. (looks around in storage room)
Vincent: What are you looking for?
Cloud: Stuff to make cakes and that sorta thingies...
Vincent: Here.
Cloud: Hey, thanks. What are you making?
Vincent: A cake.
Cloud: For who?
Vincent: Yuffie... nd you?
Cloud: Tifa.
Vincent: Poor Aeris...
Cloud: It's not my fault she has fallen in love with me...
Vincent: Who cares anyway?
Cloud: Right. (Cloud and Vincent keep trying to make a cake)
*** In the kitchen ***
Aeris (walks in): Hello Cloud!
Vincent: And I don't excist anymore?
Aeris (sighs): Hi Vincent.
Vincent: That's better!
Cloud: (whistles Tifa's theme song)
Aeris: Is that cake... for Tifa? (Cloud nods) I hate her! (runs away crying)
Vincent (sarcasticly): Very subtle, Cloud.
Cloud: I thought so... (walks to fridge)
Red walks in, covered in bandages, but Vincent almost steps on Red.
Red: HA! You didn't ste... (the door slams open, almost killing Red again)
Cloud (surprised by the door slamming into Red, falls into the fridge): Yipes! (fridge closes)
Tifa: Hi Vincent.
Vincent: Hello.
Tifa: Got anything to make cakes?
Vincent: Yup, right here.
Tifa: Thanks. (begins making a Strawberry cake) For who is your cake?
Vincent: Yuffie, and yours?
Tifa (blushing): Cloud...
Vincent: I don't know what you see in him. He's cold hearted. (remembers Cloud is in the fridge)
Tifa: Well, I'll get us something to drink. (grabs around in fridge)
Tifa: Hey, since when do cans of coke have Bastard Swords? (looks and sees Cloud) Cloud?
Cloud: ......
Tifa: Help me! He's turned blue already!
Vincent: He's really cool. Hehehehe
Tifa: If you don't help, the next thing I'll do, is tearing out your brains!
Vincent: Okay, relax! (gives Cloud an Instant Thaw TM tablet and Tifa leaves to change)
Cloud: That was cool!
Vincent: Yeah. You're cake is finished, too.
Cloud: Really? Thanks, I'll give it to Tifa later...
*** Later that day ***
Tifa: Happy Valentines day Cloud! (hands Cloud the cake)
Cloud: Thanks Tifa... (both kiss eachother)
Cait: Damn!
Cloud + Tifa: Huh?
Cait: I lost the bet with Yuffie...
Cloud (pissed off): You're betting that Tifa and I will kiss eachother!?!?
Cait: Uh... Yeah...?
Tifa: Get him!
*** Kithchen ***
Vincent: Hey Cid!
Cid: Yeah?
Vincent: You want a cake?
Cid: Sure... (Vincent hands over Clouds cake)
Vincent: Don't tel this to...
Cait (screaming): CLOUD! TIFA! DON"T! (splash) DON'T FLUSH! (flush!) WHAAAAAAAA!!! gurgle...
Cid: Hell, I'm late! Gotta meet Shera! See ya!
Vincent: Wait! If Cloud finds out...
Cloud: Hey Vincent! What the hell is Cid doing with my cake!
Vincent: Oh oh...
Cloud: Poor Cid...
Vincent: ???
*** Kitchen ***
Tifa (runs in): What's going on?
Cloud: Cid run of with my present for you!
Tifa: What!
Cloud: Doesn't matter, he or Shera will bring it back...
Tifa: Why do you think that?
*** Shera's house ***
Cid: Look what I made for you, sweety...
Shera: How beautiful! Wait a minute, there's some writing here...
Cid: ???
Shera: Let's see: "Tifa, I'll always love you!"
Cid: Uhhh...
Shera: YOU'VE BEEN CHEATING ON ME?!?! I HATE YOU! GET THE HELL OUTTA MY HOUSE!!!
Cid (gets kicked out by Shera): Ouch!
*** Back at Cloud's Villa ***
Cid (groans): Here's your stupid cake! (gives Cloud his cake)
Cloud: Thanks. (walks to Tifa)
Tifa: Hi Cloud.
Cloud: Look what I made for you...
Tifa: A cake! Oh Cloud, you shouldn't have! (kiss eachother again)
*** Upstairs ***
Aeris: I need a drink! All that crying emptied my bodyfluid.
Cloud (from his room): Wow! You look even better without clothes!
Aeris: ???
Tifa (from Cloud's room, too): Thanks, handsome! (something shuffles) Ride me, Cloudboy!
Cloud: Yiiiiiihaaaaaaaa!!! (bed begins to make a specific noise)
Aeris (turning purple from anger): I'll kill them! (runs to her room to grab Princess Guard)
Tifa (walks up to get Cloud 2nd present): Just wait till he sees this!
Cloud (from his room, again): Come on Aeris, Tifa won't notice!
Aeris (from Cloud's room): Okay... I'll undress...
Cloud: God, you're beautiful!
Aeris: Really? Better than Tifa?
Cloud: Ofcourse! I'd never choose that slut!
Aeris: Come on, let's have fun! (bad makes cranking sounds again)
Tifa: What!!! (runs to her room to buy a nuke from Kadafi)
Cloud (walks up from stairs): Tifa?
Tifa (from Cloud's room): Come on! It's gonna be fun!
Aeris (from Cloud's room, too): You think so? I never tried other women before...
Tifa: It's great, trust me. (bed begins maken cranking noises again)
Cloud: WHAT!!!!!!!! (draws Ultima Weapon) I'LL KILL THEM BOTH!!!!!! (slams door open)
Cait (with voicebox, is jumping on Cloud's bed): Come on Aeris, harder!!! (Tifa's voice)
Cloud (very pissed off): YOU AGAIN!!! OMNISLASH! (chops him 15 times and walks out)
Aeris (walks in and sees Cait): Ehhh... Tifa?
Tifa: Die, you bitch!
Aeris: Wait, look at who did this! (points to Cait)
Tifa: Cait? YOU BASTARD! (shoots nuke)
Red: Ehhh Cait? (sees nuke)
Red + Cait: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (BOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!)
*** Downstairs ***
Vincent: What was that?
Cid: I dunno...
Cloud: Hi guys.
Cid: What the hell was that explosion?
Tifa: Nothing, we blew up Cait. (Red and Cait came down the stairs, charred and black)
Vincent: Oh, that's alright...
Red: What a horrible day! (Cid pokes Red, and Red disintegrates)
Vincent: Oh oh...
Cid: you know what that means...
Cloud: Yep. Better get the dust devil. (Cloud vacuums Red)
Aeris: Cloud?
Cloud: Yeah?
Aeris: Will you be my Valentine?
Cloud: Sorry, but I already have a date with Tifa. Ask Vincent.
Mr. Valentine (Vincent, that is!): No way! I'm going out with Yuffie!
Aeris (falls to her knees, crying): Why does everyone hate me!
Cid: Aeris?
Aeris (doesn't look up): Sniff... Yeah?
Cid: Ehhh... Would you be my Valentine?
Aeris: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (runs away)
Cait: Hehehe... This Voicebox is fun!
~ FIN ~
Aeris: Sniff..
Sephy: Aeris?
Aeris: Go away...
Sephy: Okay... (leaves, but forgets something)
Aeris: Whats this? (looks at present Sephiroth brought her)
Aeris: A pin? 'To Aeris, from you lover...' How cute! Sephy?
Sephy: Yeah?
Aeris: Thanks. (jumps up and hugs him)
THE REAL END!!!