Jerry's Final Thought - The World Of Fantasy

We find the whole crew (except for Cait and Red 13, who are at Red's own home with Bugenhagen) at Tifa's 7th Heaven.

Cid: Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Dukes weekend!
Yuffie: Aw MAN! That show SUCKS!
Cid: Don't insult my dukes, you stupid kid!
Vincent: Easy Cid, just take it easy.
Cid: If you take her away so I can watch my Dukes I will!
Yuffie: Hmph! I'll go by myself! (leaves)
Cid: Good.
Cloud: Say Cid, How come you like the Dukes so much?
Cid: Well, they have a self tuned-up car, and I have my own tuned-up plane!
Vincent: (sarcastic) Cool.
Cid: Hey Vincent!
Vincent: What?
Cid: Why don't you tell us your favorite show?
Vincent: 'Cause you'll laugh at me!
Cloud: Why?
Vincent: Well, it's Jerry Springer!
Everyone: WHAT???
Vincent: (thinks) And now they'll start laughing...
Everyone: Hahahaaa!
Vincent: (thinks) Figures!
Cloud: Why Jerry Springer?
Vincent: I don't know, it has a sort of...tension...
Cid: Yeah, it's got tension allright!
Vincent: ...And I like it when they start fighting!
Cloud: Yeah, those people have serious problems!
Everyone: (they all agree) Uh-huh! (see?)
(suddenly Sephiroth appears, and everybody screams)
Sephiroth: Don't get scared now, I won't kill you... (softly) yet!
Cloud: Why not?
Sephiroth: 'Cause I got a little surprise for you all!
Tifa: What?
Cloud: A bomb?
Barret: What's yoose giving us a present fo'?
Sephiroth: What did you say?
Cloud: He said: "what are you giving us a present for?"
Sep: Aahhh. No reason!
Cid: Sure...now tell us!
Sep: Ok, I want to become friends with you...
Everyone: .....
Sep: Cum'on, why not???
Cloud: 'Cause you killed Aeris!
Sep: Ah, ofcourse, that's still a painful memory isn't it! Well, I can fix that!
Cloud: Really?
Sep: Ofcourse. I have great magic powers!
Cid: (softly) And a great ego too!
Sep: You say something?
Cid: Uhm...nope!
Sep: Well, behold: Aeris! (flash of light, lots of green fireflies-like things and Aeris appears!)
Everyone: WOW!
Aeris: Hi guys.
Everyone: HI AERIS!
Sep: And what do I hear from you?
Cloud: Ok, so what's the catch?
Sep: No, you're supposed to say: Thank you Sephiroth!
Cloud: No, I'll say: What's the catch?
Sep: We all go to see my favorite show live!
Cid: Which is?
Sep: Jerry Springer!
Vincent: What???
Everyone: HUH????
Sep: Hey, I just like it when they start fighting ok?
Cloud: I sense a feeling of repetitiousness here!
Sep: Well, Come on! We'll be late! (they go to the show, but everyone (except Vincent and Sep) doesn't want to)

At the entrance of the Jerry Springer show.

Man: Ah, there you are, you're late! Go to the dressing rooms immediately, and I'll talk with you there!
Everyone: (looking at eachother) .....
Man: Well, what are you waiting for? Hurry, you're on in twenty minutes!
Cloud: "On"?? As in, on stage????
Man: Ofcourse! Now quickly, before they start thinking where you are!
Everyone: But....
Man: No buts, NOW MOVE !!!!! (looking very angry)
Everyone: SHIT! (but they go to the dressing rooms)

In the Guys' dressing room...

Cloud: Man, this sucks. We weren't supposed to be IN the show!
Cid: Well, we can't do anything about it anymore.
Cloud: Why don't we just kill that guard outside and take off!
Sep: Because we'll be noticed if we do, and besides, this could be fun!
Barret: What yoose means?
Sep: WHAT??
Cloud: He said: "What do you mean"
Sep: Aahhh! Well, we could make up a lot of funny stories and talk about them!
Vincent: Yes, I think that's the best thing to do right now!
Cid: Oh well, why not. (and they agree to make up some funny stories)

Meanwhile, in the Girls dressing room...

Aeris: So, what happened after I died?
Tifa: Oh, not much. We went to look for Sephiroth and when we found him, we killed him.
Yuffie: Yeah, it was totally awesome!
Tifa: But the author brought him back alive again for his fanfics.
Aeris: Oh ok. And how's my mom?
Tifa: She's ok, she's in Kalm, but we'll tell you later.
Yuffie: Yeah, it's a long story, and we have to get out of here right now!
Aeris: Just a second please.
Tifa: What for??
Aeris: Sephiroth is telling me something through our minds! (in herself) Ah, yes, uhm...ok!
Tifa/Yuffie: WHAT???
Aeris: We're going to.....(she tells the plan to the girls, and they get ready for it)

In the Show...

Jerry: Hi there, today we have another plain love triangle, but within this same group, there are even more problems!
Fat man in audience: (with Texan accent) Just start the fightin' Jerry!!
Jerry: Keep your shirt on, and I mean that in BOTH ways (audience shouts: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry)
Jerry: Well, bring them on... (Cloud and Tifa come on, and the audience Woohs)
Cloud: Hi everybody!
Audience: (laughing at Cloud because of his hair and suit) Get lost!
Cloud: Shut the *BEEP* up!
Jerry: Welcome to the show, Let's begin with telling us what's going on. Cloud?
Cloud: Ok. I am madly in love with Tifa (smiles at Tifa, she smiles back), but I slept with Aeris a couple of times.
Tifa: WHAT?? YOU *BEEP*-ing son of a *BEEP*!!! (smacks Cloud)
Cloud: (whispers to Tifa) Hey, that hurt!!
Tifa: (whispers back) Sorry, I just wanted it to look real.
Jerry: Well, let's bring Aeris on too (Aeris come up, crowd Boohs). Hi Aeris.
Aeris: Hiya cutie (walks to Cloud and kisses him)
Tifa: You *BEEP* (walks to Aeris and they start a catfight, crowd "yeah"s)
Jerry: (after the girls were seperated) Welcome on the show Aeris...
Aeris: Who are you?
Jerry: I am Jerry, the host of this show.
Aeris: Huh? I thought this was Oprah!?
Jerry: Ehh, no. This is the Jerry Springer show, and I'm Jerry Springer!
Aeris: What?? I hate this show!
Audience: BOOOOHHHH!!!!!!
Jerry: Hey, that's your problem! (audience: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!)
Cloud: Aeris, I have to tell...
Aeris: No Cloud, I have to tell YOU something!
Cloud/Tifa: ???
Aeris: I haven't been truly faithful to you too! (crowd "yeah"s)
Cloud: What?
Aeris: I have been seeing Vincent for a while, and...
Cloud: Vincent? As in my BEST FRIEND Vincent???? (crowd "yeah"s again)
Aeris: Yes, and we...
Cloud: You *BEEP*! You said to me that you only loved me!
Tifa: Serves you right, you *BEEP*!
Cloud: Just shut the *BEEP* up, you *BEEP*
Jerry: Well, let's bring on VINCENT!! (crowd "yeah"s, Vincent comes on, crowd "yeah"s even louder)
Vincent: PLEASE BE QUIET !! (crowd silences)
Jerry: Well, what do you know. I never thought of simply ASKING them to be quiet! Ha, learnt another thing!
Vincent: Hi Jerry.
Jerry: Hi. I understand that you have been seeing Aeris for a while haven't you?
Vincent: Yes I have.
Aeris: And we love eachother very much.
Vincent: Uhm, yeah, sure, whatever...
Jerry: But you didn't come here without something yourself did you? (crowd Woohs)
Vincent: That is correct! (Aeris stands up)
Aeris: Don't tell me...Yuffie right? Huh?? AM I RIGHT?!?!! (walks in front of Vincent)
Vincent: You're right (Aeris slaps him) OUCH! You, you, (doesn't dare to curse) NOT NICE PERSON! (crowd: ????)
Cloud: You *BEEPBEEP*, you betrayed me, and you call yourself a FRIEND???
Vincent: Ha, I only became your friend because you knew Aeris!
Cloud: What?? You *BEEP*ing *BEEPBEEP*, I'll *BEEP* your *BEEP*ing *BEEP* until you die!
Vincent: JUST TRY IT SHORTY! (they start fighting, crowd gets really noisy)
Jerry: (after the fight was stopped again) Well, Vincent, we'll bring up Yuffie now.
Vincent: Ok. (Yuffie comes up, crowd laughs at her)
Yuffie: Vincent, they're laughing at me (gives him puppy-eyes)
Vincent: (turns into Chaos, crowd suddenly silences) Do I..*Groal*..hear anyone..*Snoar*...laugh???
Crowd: *gulp*....no...
Vincent: (turns normal again) Good.
Jerry: Hmm, why don't you come work for me, I could use you here! (crowd "yeah"s)
Vincent: (thinks for a few seconds) No thanks. (crowd Boohs)
Jerry: Well. Yuffie welcome on the show...
Yuffie: Just shut up and let me tell you something... (crowd "yeah"s again)
Jerry: Um, ok.
Yuffie: ...Vincent is almost three times my age (crowd Boohs) but that didn't care! (crowd "yeah"s)
Vincent: Where is this going to Yuffie?
Yuffie: I'm having an affair with someone just a little bit older than me!
Jerry: (thinks) Wait a minute, that's not true. my card says that there were just five people! What's going on???
Vincent: WHO?!? I'll KILL him.
Cloud: Well, then KILL ME! HA!
Vincent: YOU???
Aeris/Tifa: WHAAAT??????
Jerry: (thinks) Oh, now I see. Everything's fine now, don't worry Jerry!
Yuffie: It's true. (she walks to Cloud and kisses him)
Cloud: (thinks) hmm, maybe it wasn't so bad doing this after all! Although I prefer Tifa...
Tifa: (thinks) Damn, I wanted to kiss Cloud...
Jerry: Well, now let's just sit down and talk about this ok?
(Cid comes up with a weird walk...crowd goes totally crazy)
Cid: (to Tifa) You *BEEP*! Tell them about us!
Jerry: ????? (thinks) What the beep is going on here?
Cloud/Aeris/Vincent/Yuffie: Who are you???
Tifa: Uhm, he's Cid, my lover...
Cloud: What the *BEEP* are you telling me??? LOVER?!?!?!?
Cid: And don't you forget it!
Vincent: Cool!
Yuffie: Shut up Vincent!
Tifa: (whispers to Cid, but in such a way the audience can hear it) Dammit, you were not supposed to come up yet!
Cid: (whispers back to Tifa in the same way) I don't give a shit!
Tifa: (whispers to Cid) Why?
Cid: (out loud) I got something to tell you Tifa....
Tifa: Oh no, not you too???
Cid: I'm seeing someone TOO! (crowd "yeah"s)
Tifa: Is she someone I know???
Cid: Well, not exactly she!!! But you know HIM! (crowd goes TOTALLY insane!)
Tifa: WHAT????
Cloud/Vincent/Aeris/Yuffie: Haahaahahaaahaaaa!!!!
Tifa: (gets angry) You stupid *BEEPBEEP*, you *BEEP*!!!
Jerry: (thinks) Damn..eeh BEEP, this is completely the wrong gang!
Cid: Jerry, may he come???
Jerry: Ofcourse! (thinks) I wonder who'll come up this time...
Barret: (coming up) Hiya fo'ks, whasup with yoose all?
Everyone (including the crowd): WHAT???
Cloud: He said: "Hiya folks, what's up with you all"!
Everyone: Aahhh!
Jerry: You can understand him???
Cloud: Ofcourse, he's my father (crowd almost passes out...)
Jerry: Your FATHER???
Cloud: Yup. (suddenly to Barret) You *BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP*
Barret: WELL, WHY DON'T WE TELL THEM ABOUT YOU TOO, HUH?
Everyone: ????
Barret: He jes full o'suprises, ain't he?
Cloud: Don't DARE to tell them....
Barret: He's *BEEP* TOO (crowd BOOHs and WOOHs VERY loud)
Everyone on stage: WHAT????
Cloud: Oh damn.... (Sephiroth comes up, crowd WOOH's again)
Jerry: And who might you be?
Sep: I am the great Sephiroth! (goes to sit close to Cloud)
Vincent: Screw you!
Sep: *BEEP* you too!
Jerry: (thinks) I can't follow anymore...DARN!
(the whole crew begins to argue amidst themselves, crowd gets WILD!)
Jerry: (thinks) Oh....my....GOD!!!
(the whole crew starts fighting and the crowd is going even more insane then ever!)
Jerry: (speaking as loud as possible) So Cloud, you are involved with three girls and one man?!?!?!
Cloud: (while punching Vincent) Uhm, yeah, that's cor..TAKE THIS (hits Vincent in his face)..rect Jerry...
Jerry: (thinks) If I ever get out of this show alive I am going to QUIT this job and become a plumber!
Crowd: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!! (WOOHs and BOOHs and "yeah"s all at the same time)
Voice 1: Is that possible?
Voice 2: Sure, look: "Woboyehoaohh!" see?
Voice 1: Cool, could you do that again?
Voice 2: Yes, ofcourse I can.
Voice 1: (after waiting a long time) Ahh, skip it!
(guards finally come up and try to seperate everyone...but they fail!)
Jerry: (thinks) This is TOO weird to be true...
(Crew and guards keep fighting and tear the place apart!)
(crowd starts fighting too!)
Jerry: (thinks) ...And this morning I thought it was going to be a beautiful day...
(every single person except Jerry is fighting now...)
Jerry: (who doesn't even notices the terror which is happening) Ok, now let's seeeaaaaaaaaAAAHHHHH!!! (a thrown chair hits him!)
Jerry: (thinks) ALLRIGHT! THAT'S IT! I AM GOING!!! (out loud) EVERYONE; NO FINAL THOUGHT ANYMORE TODAY...I QUIT!!!!
(everyone keeps fighting without noticing Jerry's leaving)
Jerry: The only ones who can seperate them is the ARMY for crying out loud!! (leaves the building)
(Note. This is his Final Thought!!!)
Jerry: (thinks) What a bunch of ASSHOLES!!!!!
Cloud: *%@&(%#%^*&$;%!
Tifa: @%#(&%$^@!(%*&*;!
Vincent: %*(*&%^;%@!
Cid: #%(*&%;@!!
Crowd: @#$(&#;@#%$(!
Voice 1 (again): So what happened tothe beeps?
Voice 2: I am not sure, but did you read the MiSTing of this one?
Voice 1: No.
Voice 2: Well, he said that the censorship machine broke down.
Voice 1: That can hardly be called original huh?
Voice 2: Well, neither can the author, but we'll not tell him that.
Voice 1: Ofcourse not!
Voice 2: Let's just see what's coming next.
(after two hours of fighting , everyone is getting REALLY tired and suddenly stops...)
Cloud: *HUFF* Man, this..*PUFF*...sucks....(falls on the ground)
Tifa: Yeah...*WHEEZE*...this is getting outta hand for just a little lie...
Crowd: A LIE?!?!?!?!?!?!
Crew: Yeah, a LIE!
Crowd: WHAT?!
Cid: All this was just an stint....
(crowd passes out completely)
Vincent: Heh heh, cool!
Yuffie: Yeah....
Cloud: Let's just call it a day allright??
Crew: Ok. (crew leaves and goes home again)

On the highwind.

Tifa: Um Cloud, can I talk to you alone please for a sec..?
Cloud: Sure. (they go to an empty room)
Tifa: There's something I wanted to do from the minute we went up that stage...
Cloud: What?
Tifa: This...(she kisses him intensely!)
Cloud: (after the long kiss) (drooling again) Wow!
Tifa: Thank you (leaves Cloud behind...)
Cloud: (completely disoriented) WOW!!

Back on the bridge...

Sephiroth: And, did you like it???
Vincent: I did!
Everyone else: Well, maybe just a little...
Sephiroth: Just ONE thing:
Cloud: What?
Sephiroth: Next time I wanna be on stage a bit more ok?
Everyone: "NEXT TIME" ?!?! AAAAHHH!!!! (everyone passes out!)
Sehiroth: (softly) Hehe!

The End.

Well, this one got MiSTed on the Hegemonic Command, but even without his additions it's agreeable, right? As always, feedback, feedback, send me feedback!

Everything on this page is copyright � 1999 by Faruk Ates. All rights reserved. That means: please don't take my work without asking! Revised: 07 mei 1999.
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