| Everything on this page is copyright © 1999 by Faruk
Ates. All rights reserved. That means: please don't take my work without asking! Revised: 07 mei 1999. |
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[Note. This is follows up on Vincent's Misery 2: Beyond Limits! And don't you forget it!]
******* FF7 meets Unreal! *******
Once again our friends are at an unknown place...
Red: Now don't say a word, just look around and do the thinking yourself!
Cloud: Hey, nobody is saying anything!
Cid: Yeah. Just take it easy will you?
Red: Ok ok, sorry. Now, let's try to find out where we are...
Tifa: Hey, look, a human!
Yuffie: (shouts to the human in the distance) Hey YOU!!!
Cloud: Be careful, he might be dangerous!
Vincent: (thinks) I hope I can find a way to kick that authors butt!
Tifa: Look, he's coming.
Man: Who are you? What are you doing here? Do you have any food on you????
Cloud: Wow, easy. Yes, we have some food, why?
Man: I haven't eaten since the crash...about five days ago!
Tifa: You poor fella, here, have some food. (gives him some meat)
Man: Raw meat??? Oh well, it's better than nothing! (eats it)
Tifa: Drink this to make the taste disappear...
Man: (chewing) Taste disapp...YUCK! (spits the meat out) What kind of meat is this???
Cloud: Chocobo-meat.
Man: Chocowhat? Never mind. How did you all come here anyway? You're not Nali, so you
must've come from someplace else!
Cid: Nali? What are Nali?
Man: Nali are the original inhabitants of this planet. They are friendly to me, but they
don't like the Skaarj.
Vincent: Skaarj?? Explain some more will'ya?
Man: Ok, I'll start at the beginning! (starts telling the Unreal background story, oh and
if you like 3d-shoot 'em ups and good storylines, play that game! )
Everyone: Wow....
Man: And so I am now searching for that spacecraft which can take me out of here.
Cloud: Say, maybe we can help you. After all, 7 are a LOT stronger than one!
Man: Perhaps, but do you have any weapons?
Cloud: Well, I got this sword and...
Man: A sword? Ha, that's useless!
Cloud: (takes his Ultima) ...it has some cool magic powers too...
Man: Oooook, maybe not so useless after all.
Tifa: I fight with my fists!
Man: Then you'd better stay behind me!
Tifa: Hey!
Man: Fists are, magical or not, totally useless!
Tifa: Damn!
Cid: I have my bad-ass spear!
Vincent: I got this shotgun...
Yuffie: And I got a shuriken!
Man: A shuriken? Aren't they like two inches small?
Yuffie: Well, not this one! (pulls out her shuriken) See?
Man: Oh, ok. And what about that lion thing?
Red: I am not a lion! At least not entirely! And I use my combs!
Man: (laughing) Then you'd better stay behind that chick over there!
Tifa: Hey!
Cid: Well, what weapons do YOU have, 'cos you keep slating our weapons!?
Man: Ok, I got this Dispersion Pistol, AutoMag, Stinger, ASMD, Eightball Launcher, Flak
Cannon, Razor Jack, GES Biorifle,
Assault Rifle, and finally, this VERY useful Minigun!
Everyone: Wooooo!!!!!
Man: Now these are what you call weapons!
Cloud: Can't I borrow one? I mean, you can't use them all at once!
Man: But...
Tifa: Yeah, otherwise we're not very useful right?
Man: But...!
Red: Or should we just leave you here with all those "Skaarj"?
Man: BUT!!!!
Vincent: Ok, no more buts, just give us some weapons! NOW!! (eyes start glowing)
Man: Yipes! Here, take the all except the Minigun, cos I KEEP THE MINIGUN!!
Cid: Cool, thanks!
Man: Don't thank me for giving them to you, thank me for not shooting you all!
Cloud: Uhh...ok! (man gives them his weapons)
Tifa: Thanks, we'll give them back when we leave again.
Man: (thinks) I hope so...
Cloud: Now lemme see...(pushes a button on the Eightball) {BAM!} (rocket flies out of it,
just past Cid's head!) COOL!
Cid: Cool? You almost blown my head off! That ain't cool! Take this! (charges his
GES-Biorifle with goop) {BLOB}
Cloud: My eyes! I CAN'T SEE! OWOWOW!! AAAHHH!!! (starts running around screaming like a
baby)
Cid: Now that was cool!
Tifa: You two are just a couple of babies! (holds her Assault Rifle backwards while
firing) Huh? Where did it hit?
Vincent: MY HAND! MY FAKE HAND! YOU'VE BLOWN IT OFF!!! AAAH!!! (starts running around too,
except he's not screaming)
Red: Why are you running around like that? It's only your fake hand!
Vincent: Oh yeah, feel this you stupid lion! ('Flaks' Red with his Flak Cannon) {Bamm}
Red: OUCH! My tail? My fire-tail! It has like a million pieces of shrapnel in it! AAAH!!!
(ALSO starts running around!)
Yuffie: How does this thing work??? (pushes a button on the Razor Jack, it was the
auto-fire button){Sling}{Sling}{Sling}{Sling}{Sling}{Sling}
Everyone: (getting pretty hurt by all the razors) STOP THAT MACHINE!!!! AAAAH!!!
Yuffie: Cool, they bounce back on the walls! (gets hit by one) OUCH! Not cool! WHAAAAA!
Man: (watching all this, shaking his head horizontally) I knew it was a bad idea...
Cloud: Hey Yuffie, if you don't stop that stupid thing you'll taste my Eightball !
Yuffie: Whaa, take it easy, I can't find that button anymore!
(all this certainly is sad isn't it?)
Tifa: Hey, this thing has a zoom function! COOL!!! (goes looking through the sniper-view,
sees an alien at a mile distance)
Man: Yes, it has a 'zoom' function. You can see about a mile distance with it, and still
hit something very precise!
Tifa: Is that a Skaarj??? (lets the man look through it)
Man: Yipes, that's not a Skaarj, that's a TITAN!! HELP!!
Tifa: Don't worry, I'll kill him with ONE shot! (shoots a bullet right through the Titan's
head) Got him!
Man: Oh no, you THINK you got him! Titan's are MUCH stronger than that!
Tifa: (looks through the gun again) Damn, you're right, he's still alive, and he's heading
this way!
Man: Oh no, we're &#$&*$% up!!!!! EVERYONE!!!
All: (either bleeding, running and/or screaming around) What?
Man: A Titan' is heading this way! Find cover!
Cid: A Titan?? How big's a Titan?!
Man: About...9 meters high!
Vincent: Did you say 'nine' ?!?!?
Man: (calm) Yup. (panicing) TAKE COVER!!!!! WHAAA!!!
Cloud: Jeez, what a wuss! I'll kick his butt with my Eightball! (the Titan's butt that is,
not the man's!)
Tifa: Wait, I wanna shoot his head one more time!
Cid: Do it fast, he's almost here!
Tifa: (shoots, misses, whines and says it's the wind) Damn!
Vincent: Let me do it! (aims his Flak Cannon at the closing Titan) Take this you creep!
{Bammm!}
(Vincent sees that it didn't have much effect, so he shoots again)
{BAM!}{BAM!}{BAM!}{BAM!}{BAM!}
Cid: Take it easy Vampy, that stupid cannon of yours isn't strong enough!
Vincent: What did you call me???
Cid: A vampire, now stand aside! (Charges his GES again) {BBLLLOOOOBBBB} Got him! (it hit
the Titan in his face)
Yuffie: Um, Cid, looks like he is still alive! I'll handle this! {Sling}{Sling}{Sling}
Cloud: None of that is working, so let ME do it!
Everyone: Why you?
Cloud: Cos I got the Eightball!!!!!
Everyone: So?
Cloud: Ok, there's no time for a demonstration, so I'll just shoot that creep and then you
can thank me!
Everyone: *yawn* Go ahead!
Cloud: Okido! (charges six (!) rockets in his Eighball, aims, and just before the Titan is
like REAL close, he shoots!)
(Hey, don't ask my why this "Eightball" can only hold SIX rockets, go to Epic
for that!)
(A large explosion is seen, followed by a *LOT* of smoke. After a while, the smoke
disappears....)
Cloud: SEE! I GOT HIM! I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!
Cid: Well done Cloud, but um, what about those ten-twenty other aliens coming this way???
Cloud: What ten-twentyyyaaaAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! (everyone searches cover, they find it where
the man is hiding, in a bush!)
Man: Nice work on that Titan, but I don't think that we can uphold twenty Skaarj...
Cloud: Well, WE won't uphold twenty Skaarj, as WE are going again!
Man: WHAT!! NO!! Don't leave me all alone with them!!!!
Red: Sorry, we decided that this planet is not much fun, as we almost killed ourselves! Or
got killed...
Man: But, but, but...NO! Don't go! I'll die if you leave me!
Cid: Nah, you're a tough guy, you can handle yourself!
Vincent: Yeah, and you can use these weapons much better than we can.
Cloud: I can't believe I am actually doing this,but here is your gun back!
Everyone: Here...(they give their weapons back to the man)
Man: I don't want them back! You must stay here, or else I'll get killed!
Cloud: So can I keep it?? Great!
Man: Only if you stay around here until those Skaarj are dead!
Cloud: Oh, never mind then...
Red: Allright everybody, stand close!
Man: C'mon, you gotta be kidding me! Right???
Red: 3...2....1....
Man: NOOO!!!!!! STOOOOPPP!!!!!
Red: 0 !!!! (FLASH!! VOID!!!!)
Man: You didn't..even....tell me...your names yet.....*sniff*
(twenty Skaarj come to him, surround him and aim their 'weapons' at him)
Man: *sniff* Goddbye, cruel world!
(That was the last we heard of him, may he rest in peace.... -if he still has a body that
is!)
And while the man who didn't tell us his name faced his enemies, our heroes were going to
yet another adventure!
See you next time, same FF channel, same FF time!
So, tell me what you think. I've said it before, I'll say it again: feedback is appreciated like nothing else!
Written by Faruk KuraFire Ates!