Emannuelle: One Final Fantasy Fling!

Cloud, Vincent, Cid, Tifa and Yuffie are on the Highwind.

Cid: So guys, where to?
Cloud: Let's fly over crater again.
Tifa: Not again, thats SOOOOO boring.
Vincent: Nooo, don't say boring!!!
Tifa: Why?
Cid: 'Cause that stupid narrator will show up again, and take us someplace dangerous.
Tifa: Oh, sorry.
Cloud: hey, what's keeping him so long?
Vincent: Yeah, he usually says something at this time.
Cid: Maybe he went DEAF after our last encounter.
Narrator: Im not as DEAF as you would like me to be...MWHAHAHAHAA!
Everyone: Nooooooo!!!!!
Narrator: Did you enjoy our last trip to space?
Vincent: NO! It took me ages to heal my hand!
Narrator: Well, too bad, because you're going into space again.
Cid: How? There's no portal anywhere in sight.
Narrator: Ever see the movie "Speed" ?
Cloud: Yeah, with that bus that couldn't go below 50 and with the...
Narrator: Well, I rigged your ship, and when you lower speed, FLASH!
Cid: Shit!
Cloud: Yeah, Shit!
Vincent: You can say that again.
Cloud and Cid: that!
Vincent: Huh?
Cloud: Forget it, we should do something about our little situation.
Narrator: Aw, just try it for once. It could be very pleasant, I'm not all that bad, am I?
Vincent: Yeah, right. Like you ever did something nice to us!
Narrator: Oh well, suit yourselves. Byebye, and I'll see you in space.
Cid: Damn, we can't keep flying at this speed for much longer.
Cloud: Well, what should we do? Hey, why don't we parajump outta here?
Cid: I ain't leaving my ship! And that's FINAL!
Vincent: Cid, don't worry about your ship. I suggest lowering speed and see what happens.
Tifa: Yeah, gives me a chance to take a little piece of action again.
Cid: Allright, i'll lower speed.
Cloud: Ok. I hope we meet Xena again. (thinks) Man, she was gorgious.
Tifa: Cloud, why are you drooling? And who is this Xena???
Cloud: Uhm, nobody, just some weird person we met back then.
Vincent: Cloud, sorry to tell you, but we didn't meet Xena in space remember?
Cloud: Damn, you're right.
Cid: Allright everyone, hold tight!
Yuffie: (still in some sort of shock by hearing the narrator again) Duh-duh-duh-duh-nuh-nu-no-no-NO-NOOO.
Vincent: It'll be allright Yuffie, don't worry.
Yuffie: Will you protect me?
Vincent: Yes i will.
Yuffie: Thanks. Ok Cid, lower speed.
Cid: Ok, here we go...(they lower speed, FLASH, and they find themselves without the Highwind again)
Cloud: So, where are we now?
Vincent: It doesn't look like the Enterprise.
Cid: I think it's another space ship.
Beautiful woman with a weird thing on her head: Hello, who are you?
Cloud and Cid: WOW!
Tifa: GUYS! Stop the drooling!
Cloud: (thinks) Who needs Xena? She's better!
Cid: (thinks) Am i drooling?? Nah, i couldn't be. But what if i am? Oh well, who cares...
Yuffie: Im Yuffie.
Vincent: ....
Yuffie: He's Vincent.
Cloud: (running to the woman) Hi..I'm Cloud.
Cid: (thinks) Damn that Cloud, snatching her away from me (out loud) I'm Cid.
Tifa: And I am Tifa.
Woman: How did you come here?
(A handsome man approaches, also wearing that strange thing on his head)
Man: Yes, how did you get on our ship?
Vincent: We don't know.
Cid: All we know is that some stupid narrator sent us here!
Narrator: Don't call me stupid, or you'll be sorry.
Cid: (thinks) Damn, Ii thought he was gone.
Narrator: Nope, im not gone, as I said I'd meet you here..MWHAHAHAA!
Cid: Can you read my mind too?
Narrator: Ofcourse I can... Allright I can't, but you see, I am the narrator, and have the script lying in front of me!
Cloud: (still drooling, by the way) 'Script' ??? What script???
Narrator: Ha, all your adventures are written, and you are just stupid little puppets!
Cid: What?? So everything we do is in there??
Narrator: Yes, so i can tell what you'll do next.
Cid: Well, what am i going to do next then???
Narrator: You're going to kiss Scully, but suddenly a bee....wait a minute.
Everyone: ????
Narrator: (mumbles something) Uhm, like, oops?! Okok, my fault. I was looking at the X-Files script. I do other shows too you know!
Cloud: (and STILL drooling) So, is there a script about us too or not?
Narrator: I'm afraid there isn't, sorry.
Tifa: (thinks) damn, I'd like to know why Cloud's still drooling. Hmm, I bet it's that woman.
Vincent: (thinks) Why is that narrator so stup...oh no he can read our minds, no wait, he couldn't! HA!
Cloud: (thinks) Why is Tifa looking so angry?? Am I still drooling or something?
Yuffie: (thinks) My, that guy certainly looks good.
Cid: (thinks) Damn, I want my ship back!
Woman: (thinks) Why are they all so quiet now??
Man: (thinks) Go away and leave us alone, we were gonna try something cool before you came!!!
Narrator: (thinks too!) I really wish I'd be able to read their minds now...
Cloud: (out loud) Well, what's next?
Narrator: Why don't you get to know each other a little bit more "intimately" ???
Cloud: I'm in for it! (thinks) Ooh boy, come and get it baby...
Woman: Well, I think we'd better introduce ourselves to YOU first. My name is Emannuelle.
Cloud: (thinks again) Wow, what a beautiful name.
Man: And I am Haffron, Captain of this vessel.
Yuffie: (thinks) Haffron, what a weird name...
Tifa: (thinks) If Cloud's going after that bimbo, I'll take that Haffron guy...
Narrator: Well, how about it (thinks) man, what a bunch of stiffs!
(two other ladies and one guy walk in with them, all wearing those strange things on their heads)
Man: What's going on?
Yuffie: (thinks) WOW, he's even more handsome than Haffron.
Tifa: (thinks) Yuck, he has a ponytail.
Vincent: (thinks) Yowza, she's beautiful...
Cid: (thinks) I want my ship back!
[Note. there's an awful lot of thinking going around, isn't there?]
Women: Hi there, you handsome guys..
Vincent: Why hellooo, my name is vincent.
Woman: I'm ... (before she can tell her name, the narrator interrupts her)
Narrator: Forget the names and find yourself a partner!!
Vincent: What do you mean, 'partner' ???
Narrator: Hmm, maybe I should tell you what this ship is all about.
Cloud: (who finally stopped his drooling) Yeah, tell us.
Narrator: This ship is to study the so-called 'Love' on earth!
Tifa: Which means????
Narrator: Emannuelle is from Earth to teach them about sex...
Cloud: (thinks) Sex?? did I hear someone say SEX???
Tifa: (thinks) Hmm, I'd think this is going to be fun.
Vincent: (thinks) When was my last time again? Hmm, can't remember!
Yuffie: (thinks) Sex? Damn! Why did I had to asked Red 13 about sex!! He's an animal for crying out loud!
Cid: (thinks) Who needs sex, I want my ship back!
Emannuelle: (thinks) That Cloud-person is kinda like a boy, it'll be fun to teach him some hot stuff.
Haffron: (thinks) Why is Tifa suddenly looking at me like that?
Narrator: ..And I think you could use some 'hot-loving' too (thinks) Are they gonna be surprised !!! MWHAHAHAA!
Cloud: I'm in for it..
Tifa: Sure...me too!
Vincent: ....
Cloud: And I think he is in for it too!
Yuffie: (thinks) Damn, I'm not experienced yet!
Cid: FORGET THE SEX! I WANT MY SHIP !!!!
Everyone: ????
Cid: Hey, I just love my ship!
Cloud: Yeah, but are you going to sleep with it too?
Cid: Shut up!
Cloud: I guess not...
Emannuelle: Ok, We'll take you to our private chambers. (she leaves with Cloud)
Haffron: Yes, maybe that's a good idea (he leaves with Tifa)
Woman: Come this way, honey (winks to Vincent, then they leave together).
Cid: I'll stay here waiting for you guys..
Yuffie: Um, i think i'll keep Cid company.
Man and other woman: Ok, bye. (they leave too, leaving Cid with Yuffie alone)
Cid: (mumbles) get lost!

After the room is completely empty, Cid and Yuffie go scouting the ship.

Cid: So, why didn't you go with that dude with the ponytail??
Yuffie: (nervous) Well, you see, the only one who ever told me anything about sex was Red 13...
Cid: What??? Hahaahaaa!
Yuffie: (almost crying) Please don't laugh...
Cid: Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that well...never mind.
Yuffie: Ok. (they find a strange room, with eerie lighting)
Cid: Hmm, this is a strange room, with eerie lighting. (Doh)
Yuffie: Did you hear that???
Cid: What?
Yuffie: Never mind, it's gone now...
Cid: Ok.
Yuffie: (a few seconds later) Did you hear that???
Cid: Now don't start that Yuffie!
Yuffie: No, I'm serious, I really heard something...
Cid: Oh yeah, where?
Yuffie: Down those stairs... (they go look under the stairs, and find some tied-up people with gags)
Cid: But, but, but...aren't they the same people who left with the others ???
Yuffie: Yeah, who could've do this to them?
Cid: I don't know, but I doubt it was Cloud and the others!
Woman who looks like Emannuelle: Mhmhwmmwmwhmhwwmhmmh!
Cid: Did you understand that???
Yuffie: No, could you say that again please?
Woman: MHMHWMHMWMMWWHMWHMMH!!!
Cid: I really can't make it out!
Yuffie: I think she's telling us something important...
Cid: Wait, I've got it!
Yuffie: What?
Cid: She's telling us...that the ship is heading towards the sun, and that we're going to die in a few seconds!
Yuffie: AAAHHH!!!!
Narrator: (thinks) Man, is he stupid or what!
Woman: (shakes her head horizontally) MHWMWHH!!
Yuffie: I think you're wrong Cid...
Cid: Well, then I don't know what she saying!
Yuffie: Why don't we take their gags out and ask them?
Cid: Hey, I got it! Why don't we take their gags out and ASK them?! I'm brilliant!
Yuffie: Hey, I just said that!
Cid: No you didn't!
Yuffie: YES I DID!! You *@^#&^%!
Cid: NO YOU DID NOT !!! AND DON'T CALL ME THAT!!!
Narrator: (thinks) This is funny!
Woman: (getting tired of this) MWMWHWWHWHHWHHHMH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cid/Yuffie: (angry) WHAT?!?
Cid: (embarrassed) Oh, I think we'd better untie them..
Yuffie: Yeah, I think so. (they untie them)
Emannuelle look-a-like: JEEZ! Are you two stupid or WHAT!
Cid: Hey, shut up, I could tie you again any second!
Haffron look-a-like: Look, we're the REAL crew, the ones you've met are robots!
Yuffie: What? So our friends are...
Haffron: Screwed up I bet!
Cid: Typical choice of words!
Haffron: Shut up!
Yuffie: Quick Cid, we gotta save them.
Narrator: MWHAHAHAAA, you will not find them anywhere!!!! MWHAHAAHAAHAHAHAA!!!
Everyone: SHUT UP!!!
Narrator: Ok, I'll just watch you try.
Cid: Good, and stop laughing like that, it makes me shiver!
Narrator: What, this laugh??? MWHAHAHAHAA!
Cid: (shivering) YES!
Narrator: Ok. (they start to search for Cloud and the others)

Somewhere, at a dark room...

Cloud: Hey, why is it so dark in here ???
Emannuelle (robot): That way it'll be much more fun...(grins badly [which actually can't be seen in this darkness!])
Cloud: Oh, ok.
Emannuelle: So, what do you want to do???
Cloud: I dunno, what CAN we do?
Emannuelle: Oh, lots of things...
Cloud: Well, why don't we start with...(the door busts open)
Cid: Anyone in here????
Cloud: Cid?
Cid: Cloud?
Cloud: Yeah!
Cid: Yeah!
Emannuelle: Leave this room this instant!
Cid: Nope, you bitch of a machine!
Cloud: Cid, what are you talking about?
Cid: She's a robot Cloud, and here to kill you!
Cloud: WHAT?
Cid: Kill her now Cloud, or she'll definetely kill YOU!
Cloud: But,but...
Emannuelle: HAHAAA, Too late! Now you're DEAD buster...(charges for some weird attack)
Cloud: HUH?? SHIT!!
Cid: Oh damn...
Emannuelle: Meet...your...DOOO*BANG*OOM......(falls to the ground. The lights turn on, and Vincent is in the doorway with his Death Penalty smoking..)
Cloud/Cid: HUH???
Vincent: I don't think so, bitch!
Cid: Nice save vampy
Vincent: Shut up, I'm not a vampire!
Cid: Then how'd you see her in the dark huh?
Vincent: With my new materia, infra-vision eyes.
Cid: What?
Cloud: Forget that Cid! (to Vincent) What are you doing here??
Vincent: Yuffie told me what was going on...
Cid: Ah, Yuffie found you huh?
Vincent: Yes, and she also found Tifa!
Yuffie/Tifa: Hi guys!
Cid: Hi, are you allright?
Tifa: I'm a little shocked, but I'll survive!
Cloud: Me too!
Cid: Say, did you kill the other two also?
Vincent: What other two?
Yuffie: Oh yeah, the ones that were supposed to take me and Cid!
Vincent: No.
Tifa: Why do you ask, Cid?
Cid: I think they're pretty strong, as this bitch charged something to fire at us!
Cloud: Yeah, it was very weird. It would've killed me in a second I bet...
Vincent: Oh, well. Let's just go home!
Cid: How?
Cloud: I think we have to kill the other two first if we want to get back home again!
Vincent: Then let's kill them!
Tifa: Ok, but where are they?
Cloud: I think they're in the bridge.
Vincent: Why don't we check it out?
Everyone: Ok. (they go to the bridge, and find the two others there) (Note. moronic people are plenty in here huh?)

Man: You can kill us, but you can't escape anymore..
Cid: Escape from what?
Woman: We set the ship's course to hit the sun and it can't be changed anymore!
Cid: I knew we were going to hit the sun!! I told you so, Yuffie!
Yuffie: It's just LUCK!
Cid: Sure...
Vincent: ....(mutters something unhearable)
Cloud: What did you say Vincent?
Vincent: ....(mutters the same thing)
Everyone: WHAT???
Vincent: I said: WE'RE FLYING STRAIGHT TO A PORTAL!!! AAAAHHH!!!!
Cloud: Not again!!
Cid: Hey, maybe it'll take us back?
Narrator: Yes, MAYBE! But then again......maybe not! Who knows? MWHAHAHAA!
Cid: I told to you stop laughing like that.
Narrator: So what?
Cid: &%#*
Cloud: Take us back. We've had enough for one day!
Narrator: Oh, and that's YOUR decision?
Cloud: No, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd send us back!
Narrator: Oh well, I can always come back again for the rest...
Cid: I don't even want to know what you're talking about!
Vincent: ....
Yuffie: And now send us back please!
Narrator: Oh allright! (big flash)
Cid: Heehee, we're on the Highwind again!
Tifa: So that's what you do when I'm not around?
Cloud: Well, it's not like we had the choice or anything...
Vincent: Yes, so please don't say bor...
Everyone: NO!!
Vincent: ..ing?
Everyone: .........Phew!
Vincent: C'mon, like he'll scare us twice in a day!
Narrator: BOOH!
EVERYONE: AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Narrator: MWHAHAHAAHHAAAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The End

(really? yes!)

I edited this for my new site, and although there aren't really that much differences, I do think it's a slight bit better than before. Tell me what you think of my work please, feedback is very much appreciated.

Everything on this page is copyright © 1999 by Faruk Ates. All rights reserved. That means: please don't take my work without asking! Revised: 07 mei 1999.
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