I'm not gonna say who's at the villa this time, 'cos I'll only forget that and make people who aren't there say stuff and bring coherency to fall apart. Deal with it!

"Guys, I think that we should put an end to all this nonsense and pack our bags and go to Hawaii or something!" spoke Cloud to whomever was present, nobodoy knows. When Cloud didn't get any answer, he looked up from the book he was reading to see that he had spoken to oh say the fireplace? In other words, he was completely alone. "PARTY TIME!!!" He shouted, but nothing happened. He started thinking to himself. "Hmm, by now Yuffie always appeared with Cait...something's wrong!" he thought to himself (ok, so I already said that. Then what? Can't I for once write something without explaining to you guys about it? Oh, I can't, can I? Go to...wait, never mind.) Whilst running through the villa, shouting like mad, Cloud began to get frightened more and more. The place was as empty as Aeris' head! (Gee, how did you guess that I don't like Aeris?) Soon Cloud found out why the place was so empty. When he found out, he went back to his comfortable chair in front of the fireplace, and picked up his book and glass of wine, which he suddenly found standing somewhere in mid-air...ehh, wait, that's not possible, is it? Ok, it was standing on the table! (I knew I shouldn't have taken those new semi-dried-chickenleg pills this morning) He started reading again, as his book was really exciting.

**** Somewhere in Midgar, sector 9 ****

"Hey you $%@#$ fool!" shouted Cid into the wide sky. You talking to me? "Asked Faruk from above, accidentally placing the quotationmarks at the wrong place." (I'm never taking any pills for the rest of my life!) "Yeah I'm talking to you! Sector 9 doesn't even exist, you moron!" Oh, it does. Remember that this is my world, and in my world sector 7 has been rebuilt but it's called sector 9 now. Okay? Faruk answered "a bit annoyed (hey, I'm still placing quotationmarks at the wrong places when I speak! Wouldn't that" annoy you?) During his revelation he had flown down to the fictional world using his ultra-sonic 'Fly down to fictional worlds' magic spell. Using this spell caused the ground to shake intensely, so logically people got mad at him. "One more time, and that'll be it!" Be what? "Asked Faruk to Cloud" who said that. "Hey, where the @&#%^ did you get from? You were in our villa just one @#$# paragraph earlier!" said Cid. (and you thought it was Aeris? Nahh, you really should listen more carefully!) "Well, I uhh, I dunno..." stated Cloud confusedly (is that a word?) By now Faruk had yet again gone away, using his magic spell 'Fly away from fictional worlds' and was once again laughing his butt off up high in the sky -but not for long, as a jet roared so closely near him that he got burned, fell to the fictional ground and smacked into it, but since it's fictional he didn't get broken bones or stuff like that, but anyways, he was back down again. (why do I refer to myself as 'he'?) The laughter coming forth from all present members, who are at least Cloud and Cid, was so amusing that the rest of the team came there too, using their nifty 'magically appear to the scene of the laughter that's heard all over the world' magic spells. This means of course that not everyone was present at first, as if they were they couldn't not have been there and come there using their nifty 'mag..*glunk*' spells! (it's ok, if you're with your hands in your hair, yanking them out of your head, you're perfectly sane, as it is I, who isn't :)

"You're amusing, could you do that again please?" asked Tifa, sniggering as the rest. "Yeah, and do the burning part in slowmotion please, it's SO relieving!" added Cid, rolling over the floor, ocassionally bumping into people's feet, but he didn't care (until he bumped into Barret's, whose are too big to be called feet, and should therefore be called brocks, 'cos I think that that word is funny!) So when he rolled into B-man's brocks, he cared, and tried to stand up again -succeeding more or less, but it took him four times. Since Faruk was noticing his incredibly moronic appearance, Damodred, the brother of Kocica, appeared using his very powerful 'summon yourself to other people's fanfics 'cos you feel like it' summon spell! He was very much overjoyed by the fact that for once he wasn't making a moronic appearance, as his sister always makes him do that, just for fun! So he took his Frying Pan of Doom (forged by Peter Johnson, the local blacksmith, as Damodred forgot his real Frying Pan of Doom (forged by the Great Masamune himself) when he was busy appearing to this place) (if you don't get this joke, remember I told you to read The Bob Saga on the Ye Olde page, cos it's a: too darn funny not to have read it, and b: it contains the stuff that makes you understand these and further jokes, ok? The link is on the links page (duh!)) and smacked Faruk on his head with it. Considering the fact that Peter Johnson was a total failure, Faruk laughed at the broken Frying Pan of Doom (forged by Peter Johnson, the local blacksmith, as Damodred forgot his real Frying Pan of Doom (forged by the Great Masamune himself) when he was busy appearing to this place) which got broken when Damodred hit Faruk with it. Damodred, confused as hell, and angry as hell too, at Peter Johnson of course (the local blacksmith, in case you forgot), disappeared again using his shameful 'summon yourself back to where you came from when you used the other spell when you thought you had something useful to do there' summon spell. Laughing at the moronic appearance Damodred had made, Faruk felt guilt coming to him. "Damnit, he was so nice to me when he mentioned me on his radio-show the other week!" he said (I said, it was me, so don't get confused, it wasn't Cid or Cloud or anyone else) Not coping with the guilt, Faruk used his long-forgotten 'summon people you want to apologise to right in front of you' summon spell, and henceforth Damodred was in front of him again. However, since Damodred had read ahead when he disappeared earlier, he took his real Frying Pan of Doom (forged by the Great Masamune himself) and whammed Faruk on his head with it. Considering the fact that the Great Masamune isn't a total failure, Faruk was within moments completely unconscious, lying on the floor.

"You moron, why didya do that?" screamed the tree which appeared using its convenient 'ma*glunk*' spell. (I was prevented from ranting up another stupid name, the spell isn't called ma*glunk* !!!) Everybody recognised that the tree was Kocica in her most favorite manifestation (infestation, festation, manifestion, I don't care!) i.e. a tree. (y'know, you really should try to develop some kind of  memory  if you want to become something in your life...) "Always appearing near me, just to get some attention, huh?" muttered Damodred softly (but not soft enough, you'll soon find out why!) "AND DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!" asked the tree (kocica) completely furious. "Take it easy, sis! If you get any madder your leaves will catch fire!" Damodred reminded. "No, that won't happen. I got a cold." said the tree happily. The mysterious and puzzled looks on everyone's face (well, except on mine, 'cos I'm still unconscious) were a sight that you really should've seen! Too bad you looked the other way, right?

Looking puzzled, Cid tried to explain the concept of having a cold, and the concept of 'leaves spontaneously bursting out into flames when you're a tree and you're really furious at your brother', to Kocica, who didn't listen. "D@#$^%!! You're putting me into the trouble of explaining it and then you make her not listen to me?! I HATE you!" said Cid angrily, but still puzzled. (teehee, I like it when they're puzzled) He took a cigarette from his ear, which held four of them, now three, and lit it with a lighter he took from his other ear, which only held one as it was a brand new lighter so he wouldn't need any more at the moment. If, however, something like 'but his lighter spontaneously burst out into hot flames of coldness and Cid had to drop it otherwise his hand would've been burned terribly by the cold, but he dropped it right in the pit of pityness so he was now out of a lighter' would happen to become written, I would of course write 'so Cid took a new lighter which had appeared on his ear' just to make him get distracted from the author for a while to light his cigarette!

The place was suddenly quite empty, as the whole FF7 crew had gone away when they noticed that I was ranting around about nothing again (this happens a lot, don't worry). This means that only Damodred, Kocica (in her tree-manifestation) and Faruk were there, Faruk being knocked unconscious, Damodred being blamed for it (which is the right thing) and Kocica being busy blaming Damodred. Expectably Faruk suddenly stood up like nothing had happened and walked away calmly, muttering something about trees and frying pans and idiots and some more stuff. The two left-overs (yuck, that sounds disgusting!) were completely awed by this event (hey, have you ever knocked a guy unconscious with a Frying Pan of Doom (forged by that guy who probably likes hearing his name a lot, as he keeps paying us money to do so, but since he didn't pay me much this time I'm not mentioning his name right now) and after a few moments he just stands up and walks away without saying anything? I seriously doubt that you have!) but not for long, as they just continued arguing about who was to blaim for something they didn't even remember what it was.

**** Meanwhile... (*sigh* this sounds like a Batman episode...) ****

"Hey, look, he's walking right over there!" shouted Tifa to the rest of the presentees. (I really am considering taking myself to the insane asylum, but I can't find their address for some apparent reason!) Cid retorded "So? Let him walk, got nothing to do with me." and lit another cigarette. Since he had already smoked up all his cigarettes he was carrying in his ear he took this one out of a pack. However, he forgot that he had kindly given Chase the opportunity to sleep in his pack a while earlier, probably to suck up to him. Henceforth, he was lighting Chase's tail, instead of the cigarette.
"OUCH!" screamed Chase in pain and fury. "Oh-oh, I'm dead." Cid noted, whilst searching for a way to calm Chase down. "Who the hell lit my tail?" asked Chase, flying around like his tail was on fire...wait a minute, his tail is on fire. Cool! "No, it's not @#$%&ing cool, it's #@%# hot!" Chase snarled at me. "Hey, you ok? You're sounding like Cid!" said Tifa calm but consortive. (I have no idea what that word means, but I read it somewhere and I can't get it out of my head. *knock knock* Who's there? Oh, hello dear men in white coats, what are you doing here? Wha? Taking me?! Hey, HEY, put me DOWN! No, I don't want one of those stupid jackets, I can't move my arms in those! Yeah of course I know that that's the purpose of it, but how am I supposed to write the end of this fic with my arms strapped over eachother?! No, I won't use my nose for that, go to hell! *vanish* hey, it worked! *looks around* uhh, ok, sorry...)

The End, and Faruk was never heard or seen from again.

"Although that would please us incredibly, please finish this fic for real, ok?" spoke an irritable Chase. "Yeah, are you deranged or something? There can't be an end already! It totally makes no sense!" added Cloud, obviously still present. "okok, I'll continue!" said Faruk, rubbing the back of his head. "Say, does anyone knows how I got this bump?" I asked. All turned a lovely shade of red on their faces, which made no sense, but neither do I, so in the end it might make sense after all. Uhm, but anyways, Faruk and the rest of the team decided to go back to where Kocica and Damodred were expected to be arguing, but they found absolutely nothing -well, except for the ground and some trees and flowers and grass and rocks and air of course. Geez, do you have to take the fun out of everything?

"Where the hell did they go off to?" asked Tifa, displaying an unusual presence of profanity. Faruk's incredibly smart action had caused Kocica to appear of course. (well, wanna know what that was? If so, press F1 on your keyboard now. If not, press Ctrl-Alt-Del at a time now. Ok, I'll tell: it was 'displaying an unusual presence of profanity' being written. It's a sentence that kocica has used in Noises Off but then with Cid, and of course the other way around then. (i.e. lack of)) "Hey, haven't I ever told you that I don't like it when you take lines from my fics before?" stated Kocica, angry again. "No, and I kinda doubt that you'll ever, as you're so incredibly talented, and nice, and pretty, and smart..." Faruk replied. "*giggle* you really think so?" the tree said jupming in the air (don't ask me how it could jump, I'm still confused about how it can talk!) "Oh yes, and intelligent, and beautiful, and..." Faruk added. "Go on." the tree replied. "I can, but I won't. You shouldn't get too stuckup y'know!" "What?! You think I'm stuck up!?! DIEEEE!!!!" and the tree attacked Faruk. Smart as Faruk was, he summoned Damodred using his oh-so useful 'Summon people like Damodred right in front of you with their backs pointed at your fierce attacker' in front of him to make sure that the attack of Kocica wouldn't hurt him. "Hey, where the hell am I?" asked Damodred, after which he got instantly smacked on the head by Kocica. Needless to say, he fainted and collapsed on the floor. "Poor guy..." stated Tifa calmly. "Yeah, he didn't deserve to die so young..." added Cloud. "Who cares?" said Cid (gee, unexpected ^_^) The angry looks at Cid were of the kind that if looks could kill you'd been vaporized twenty times by now. However, looks can't kill, trees and Frying Pans of Doom can, so the present idiots had to find out a way to bring Damo back alive. "Why not use these nifty things called 'Phoenix Downs' for it?" said Cid sarcastically. "Because I have decided that none of you have any, as you might mess up my plans whenever I kill Aeris or someone else!" stated Faruk. Much to everyone's surprise he was right, so the local idiots (i.e. the team, me and kocica, but Kocica doesn't like to be called that so let's keep it at 'the local idiots' without an explanation on who they are, ok?) had to start thinking.

**** Four hours later.... ****

"That sounded like we're terrible at thinking!" said Aeris, who for some reason still isn't killed. 'She gently clapped her hands of joy, but she forgot that she had a handgrenade in her hands, with the pin extended, so needless to say: byebye Aeris' was written, and Faruk sighed in relief. "you really don't like her, do you?" said Kocica/tree. "No. Get over it!" retorded Faruk, sighing again. "Hey, how come me and the gay haven't been mentioned up until now, and Aeris, the one you hate more than anything else has!?" spoke Vincent angrily. Unfortunately for him, fortunately for the men in white coats who had appeared out of nowhere using their very handy 'appear out of nowhere when you can't find anyone to lock up in your asylum to have a break' summon spell, he was attacked by Sephiroth. They all were very much enjoying the intens battle between Vincent and Sephiroth, the last one winning it without trouble, but afterwards getting hit by a variety of objects for 'accidentally' killing Vincent. "You fool, now we have three dead bodies here, and no Phoenix Downs!" said Cid without a single word of extreme profanity for once! Very unfortunately for everybody, the objects were too much for poor little Sephiroth, who got killed by them. That sums it up to four. Hey guys, I'm outta here, byebye! said Faruk, this time choosing not to use quotationmarks for his speech, as he accidentally used them once correctly somewhere in this fic! (Argh!) He flew away, using his last piece of strength, as his 'fly away to confuse the heck out of everyone' spell had been lost during the fic somewhere. It might've been stolen by Yuffie, if only she had been there. Wait a minute, she might've, but have been quiet to not draw the attention so that she could easily steal nifty spells! (oh, I haven't told you about my conspiracy theories yet have I? Well, I like to rant up those things for fun, as you now have seen. Don't worry about it, it'll go away as soon as somebody smacks me on my head with a rubber tree (I find the real ones a bit too painful, remembering Damodred's misfortune)) So Yuffie was probably to blaim for it. Well, let me think for a moment........ahh, yes. BEHOLD: 'Yuffie jumped out from the bushes in which she had been hiding as she saw that Faruk was incredibly far away. She told the others that she indeed had stolen his spells, but she forgot about the little-known fact that Faruk is me and me=I and I write all this so Faruk came flying, or rather falling as his strength was gone, down and landed directly on Yuffie, instantly killing her painfully and not having any pain himself' ! There! *nah nah na-nah nah*

"Could you please finish the nonsense?" questionned Tifa. There's five dead people here now. How are we gonna get them back alive?" "More importantly, how can we prevent them from rotting?" said Cloud, displaying his oh-so apparent lack of knowledge about fiction. The variety of objects thrown to him were as terrible as they had been to Seph, so without further ado: Cloud was killed. "I rephrase: six dead people!" said Tifa, sighing from exhaustion. "Y'know, this is SO aggrevating!" said Cid. He continued his rant. "You only write totall nonsense, and we all are getting #$%&*^# tired of it! You're really a@#$%&ing @$$hole, you know that?" Tifa slapped her forehead, rightfully expecting to see the seventh dead person. She saw what she expected, and spoke to Faruk: "Dammit, now there's SEVEN dead people! I HATE YOU, YOU BIG @#*$%*@#&%&@#!$*!!!!!!" And, do I hear eight? Yes? The gentleman in the back, did you just say EIGHT? You did, didn't you? Well, come here then, 'cos you're our lucky winner!!! (bands start playing) And our lucky winner will go to THE BAHAMA's! He will have the opportunity to take one person with him...who will it be, mister...? "Rufus, just...Rufus... And it will be my pet, Dark Nation!" But mr. Rufus, your pet isn't allowed! "I don't care, he's going with me!" Sir, we really can't have pets on the airplane, and *BLAM* "NUMBER NINE!!!!!!!!" cheers the crowd. "Wooohhooo!!!!" Rufus bowed to the crowd, whistled to his pet and quickly left before Faruk could notice that he was alive, or else we would have to count to numbers ten and possibly eleven, if you count Dark Nation too.

Since the only living people were Kocica and Faruk (gee, it's quite busy here. Maybe I should kill some more people ^_^) Faruk decided to write the INCREDIBLY relieving sentence 'all dead bodies suddenly rose into the sky about three feet, lots of white lights appeared around them and started floating in circles around the bodies. Afterwards the bodies were placed in a vertical position, and all were once again totally alive -except for Yuffie, who for some reason wasn't placed in a vertical position and fell to the floor very painfully'. (so she was alive, but not totally get it?) The sighs of relief were even heard in the busiest parts of Midgar, and everyone went back to their respective houses. Kocica smacked Faruk on his head for writing this complete insanity, as did Damodred, but they forgot that their instruments of pain-infliction were too strong for Faruk, so he got killed again. (more or less) Seeing that the FF7 team had already went back to the villa, Kocica and Damodred decided to take Faruk with them to the Villa, to recuperate from his fatiguing fic after being brought back alive using a simple 'make someone alive if you have ran out of Phoenix Downs because you're in a fanfic written by Faruk' spell. He did, and henceforth:

The End (sortof for real this time)


"Hey, wait a minute! You still haven't explained what we were going to do at the beginning of the fic. You know, in the first paragraph, where Cloud suddenly found out what was the reason the place was empty!" stated Tifa mad. "Oh, yeah, right, I remember! *shrug* (sure, I remember. NOT! I've been dead two times since then! Get real!) Uhmm, you guys were going to the 'Get some fresh new ideas for the author that's making your life a pain in the ass just because he has run out of good ideas here' store, in Sector 9. Ok?" ...and then Faruk flew away again using his newly regained strength (but more because he had taken back his 'fly away to confuse the heck out of everyone' spell), to gather ideas for himself, as the team forgot to go to that store, and it was closed by now 'cos it's already evening!